Today is Monday. I realised I turn to tumblr when I feel pretty shit about things. It’s my release of sadness.
I thought my life was hard until I had these last 10 months. Then I realised what hard was. Hard is losing a lot, but a lot all at once. Especially the person you always turn to when things are bad. No one takes their place ever. No one knows you like that person. No one loves you like that person. No one listens like that person. I think back to this time last year and I wasn’t unhappy I wasn’t the happiest I’ve ever been either but my god. Now I feel like I have to be the one in charge and inside I’m this child who wants to scream out for help.
I have an amazing network of friends around me but they have their own lives.
I dislike change. And my whole wide world has changed. I put on this brave face to the world and try so hard to make people believe I’m ok when inside I’m fragile and broken.
Sometimes I feel like running away. I crave for that freedom of no responsibilities but I can’t see how you can just get up and leave the people that need you. I couldn’t leave my dad. He wouldn’t cope.
I miss the way life was this time last year. I miss the outs I had, the sea,
the calm, the peace. It’s gone forever and forever is a long time.